Know Your Foe

Thanks to the lack of updates on the Stanford Intramurals website, nobody actually knows how good The Marx Brothers, our opponent this week, are going to be (sorry I didn’t know whether the verb here should be singular or plural). Digging a little further into the past however, there is quite a lot to be learned about this apparently hilarious team.

Roster
According to multiple reliable sources (Wikipedia), The Marx Brothers are a comedy team specializing in a variety of media, most notably vaudeville, but also dabbling in film, television, and the stage. It is likely that the siblings Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Gummo, and Zeppo got into basketball simply due to the number of them: 5. Five players on a basketball team, five Jewish brothers from New York…coincidence? I think not. It also seems probable that their father, mysteriously known as “Frenchy” will be coaching the team. As a last word of warning I suggest not bring your girlfriends to the game, as Chico apparently has quite a way with the ladies.

The stage names for four of the five brothers were coined by monologist Art Fisher[11] during a poker game in Galesburg, Illinois, based both on the brothers' personalities and Gus Mager's Sherlocko the Monk, a popular comic strip of the day which included a supporting character named "Groucho". The reasons behind Chico's and Harpo's are undisputed, and Gummo's is fairly well established. Groucho's and Zeppo's are far less clear. Arthur was named Harpo because he played the harp, and Leonard became Chico (pronounced, and originally spelled, "Chick-o") because of his affinity for the ladies ("chicks").

Fight Song
Not much is known of the actual contents of The Marx Brothers’ fight song, although it can be assumed that Groucho, known for his vocal talents, is probably the singer, and there is the distinct possibly that he will be accompanied by Harpo on, you guessed it, the harp.

Gameplan
Again there is a dearth of concrete evidence as to the skills and general strategy of The Marx Brothers. Their talent in flawlessly transition from live stage performances to the silver screen should suggest that they won’t be afraid to mix it up and throw different looks at us. On defense my guess is they go with a 1-3-1 so as to be able to feature a front man with back singers/power forwards. Their success in the early 1900s probably suggests they will be wearing very tight shorts. Do not let this distract you.


Alternative Identities
I think it’s safe to say that this gives a pretty good picture of the team we will be up against this Thursday, but just in case, let’s take a look at who else might be showing up. If it’s not jolly, good-hearted brothers that we play tomorrow night, it seems likely that we will be facing the Brothers of the Cruciform Sword. The quote comes after Indy rescues his father in The Last Crusade. After finding out that his son has brought the grail diary with him, he exclaims in disappointment, “I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!” As protectors of the grail for over a thousand years, there is n doubt that this is a defensively focused team. We are going to have to focus on ball control and smart passing to avoid a plethora of turnovers.

Thursday's Strategy

So it looks like we’ll be playing either a team whose skills could best be described as comical or a team who cares more about ancient artifacts than I do. Let’s make fools of these jokers.